One of Those Days

Well today has been one of those days. I feel like i have failed as a mom today. I yelled to much, gave out too many spanks, was frustrated to much, annoyed too easily, not nice enough to my kids and the list goes on. I want to say that i am justified but when it comes down to it I am not. Ethan today just seemed to be stuck on scream mode for absolutely no reason. Not a crying scream but just making noise scream. He is always loud but today just seemed 10x more than normal. My reaction to say the least wasnt ideal. I could use an abundance of patience. He is only 4. We also fought over cleaning his room because he seems to think "there are too many toys." my answer to that was that "i guess we need to throw some away so you dont have too many to clean." Which added fuel to the fire and i received a scream and cry back of "no dont throw them away."

Kaylee seems to think that it is ok to get in the crib and jump even if the baby is in there. She was in trouble several times for that today, i cant seem to get her to stop no matter how many times i tell her. The counter seems to be the place of the greatest view today. Kaylee seemed to be up there all day. And of course my reactions were not ideal.

Taylor was restless today and demanded a lot of attention. She was having a hard time sleeping today and random screams didnt seem to help.

There was salt eaten and spilled all over the counter and floor while i was feeding Taylor, constant fighting between Ethan and Kaylee. Laundry needed to be done due to an "accident" last night, the kitchen was a mess, dinner needed to be prepared early, preschool needed to be done, applesuace spilled on the kitchen floor and somehow in my bedroom on the carpet, kids climbing on the food storage stuff after being told not to, and it seems like the list could go on.

Today was a day the Lord gave me to learn patience and i failed indeed. I need an attitude adjustment and my kids suffered the price for my shortcomings. My response should have been motherly and it was far from it. I sometimes wonder why i didnt keep the role of aunt only but became a mom. I love being a mom dont get me wrong, but it is sometimes so hard. When I start thinking like this i quickly remember the most wonderful joy that i feel because those same kids. those kids that can also cause the greatest frustration bring the greatest joy and accomplishment that can ever be felt. Life would be too easy with out them in some ways. It would be so lacking aswell. i would have nothing to do around the house. what would i be busy doing all day? I wouldnt laugh as much because something was done, or said that was just too cute or too funny or not said quite right which made it funny. Being a mom is to experience life. You get to experience the hardest of hard, and the most joyful of joy and everything in between.

At one of my weak points today Ethan was shouting and screaming by Taylor and I and of course i started snapping at him only to find Kaylee covering my mouth shortly after i started. Then Ethan said "good job Kaylee." This i am glad brought laughter into the room. How humbling it is to have my two year old do this. It made me realize that they knew and felt my emotions too and were frustrated with me and my reactions to them. It is a two way street. I am going to the temple tonight. My kids have helped put me in a better mood to feel the spirit of the Lord. It is quite humbling to know you failed and that you have to seek forgiveness from a 2 and 4 year old. I know that I am inadequate and have many faults. I ask the Lord to help my weakness' become strengths, and i ask my kids and husband to have patience with me. I love being a mom and i know i have improvements to make. I am grateful that they love me anyway.

We started a service jar in our home. Everyday we make an effort to serve someone else and at dinner time we report. When we did some sort of service we put a penny in the jar. At christmas time we will take the money out and buy a gift for some one who needs it, whether through sub for santa or another way. I hope this will put my heart in a mode of service especially toward my family so that i wont have more days like today. I hope that i will serve my family with love and more fully show that love to them. They are wonderful.

Well i have blabbed enough. i have things to go do now and hopefully i will have "sunshine in my soul"

by renee